Funny Jokes

Whether it's NASCAR or your family vacation, talk about anything here!

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Total votes: 1
Kyle

Here are some jokes I have picked up here and there. Some are funny!!!
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This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

The average person over 40 years of age can’t do it!

1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is hag cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat

Now go back and read aloud the third word in each line from the top down
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Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, an AZ state police officer sees a car puttering along at 17 MPH. He thinks to himself “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies– two in the front seat and three in the back — wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?” “Ma’am.” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.” “Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly…seventeen miles an hour.” the old woman says a bit proudly. The AZ state police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “17″ was the highway number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.” But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask.. Is everyone in this car ok? The women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.” the officer asks. “Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off highway 101.”
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Bob was in trouble as he'd forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was extremely upset.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in six seconds!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and, sure enough, there was a box gift-wrapped in the
middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob was reported missing Friday......
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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
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One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
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I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Richard grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'
'No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T ... I used to like the little prat.....
:D

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