Alberta

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kashton
Posts: 223
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 12:03 pm

Mon May 21, 2007 10:44 pm

Being from Calgary myself, I thought this was very amusing, and for the better part true.



12 NEW rules for entering Alberta:

1. Bring your own house.
2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and hospital.
3. If going to Edmonton, wear your flak jacket. This is
the murder capital of Canada.
4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of
Canada.
5. If you are bringing drugs, head to Fort MacMurray, the
drug capital of Canada.
6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
$5.60/hour.
7. If you work downtown, parking costs $5.00/hour.
8. If you are able to buy a house in Edmonton, or Calgary, why
not spend the money on a 15 year holiday.
9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We have the highest gas
prices in Canada. The Alberta Advantage.
10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7.
Don't come here sick.
11. In Calgary the population has exploded. The last road was
paved 12 years ago. Calgary is a no parking zone.
12. Remember Roy Rogers etc. beating the Indians? It is payback
time. They own all the Casinos here.

THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN CALGARY:



1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "CAL-
GREE".

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening
rush hour is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on
Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On
Deerfoot, you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes
coming in for a landing at the airport. Anything less is considered "Wussy "
.
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Calgary now has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, Hamptons , SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense
that can get you shot.


7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Calgary .. Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and more construction starts everyday

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks,dogs, cats, deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses shredded.tires, garbage, squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9. 16 th Ave, TransCanada, and "Hwy #1" are the same road.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 kph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped
off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot

12. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is virtually non-existent until the spring thaw.
Humanity is a parade of fools, and I'm at the front, twirling a baton!


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Sylvia
Posts: 189
Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 7:27 pm
Location: Iowa
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Tue May 22, 2007 7:41 am

It sounds like a lovely place :lol:

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Manitoba Bill
Posts: 133
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Location: Manitoba

Tue May 22, 2007 10:44 am

LOL Another Urban Myth started.

As for #9, no way are they suffering from gas prices!
Wpg.-1.19 Vancouver- 1.27 Edmonton - 1.21

Also Alberta is the oil capital of Canada and Canadians, and some
Americans pour our gas money into Alberta's oil barons.

And no provincial sales tax like Manitoba's 7%.
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User avatar
kashton
Posts: 223
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 12:03 pm

Tue May 22, 2007 11:33 am

There is provincial sales tax. They decided to add it to the cost of the product instead of adding it the the Gst at the end of the sale.

As for the gas prices, we even pay more than Vancouver up North here. Oil industry makes the money, but it doesn't make Calgary residents rich.

As for the shooting comments, my hubby did an airport reno in Calgary a couple of years ago. He thought it was great to be back in a big city. He changed his mind after 3 days of watching the Calgary and Edmonton news. He said there was nothing on the news except shootings and stabbings. And thats why I moved away from there. We didn't live in a real nice neighbourhood, and I didn't want my kids to grow up like I did.


I can honestly say, that I know more people that have been killed or wounded, by shooting or stabbing, than have died of natural causes. That is scary to think about.
Humanity is a parade of fools, and I'm at the front, twirling a baton!

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Jim from Canada
Posts: 551
Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:39 am
Location: Seaforth, ON

Wed May 23, 2007 10:21 am

Everything you buy here in Ontario has 7% GST and 7% PST to be added to it. Gas is about 1.07 but I haven't been impressed about gas prices since .60/l. lol. But we wouldn't want those poor oil companies to go without now would we?

Jim
Remember, minimum code requirement is just that....MINIMUM


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Yanita
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Joined: Sat Feb 17, 2007 10:16 pm
Location: Eastern N. Carolina

Wed May 23, 2007 12:49 pm

Hi,

Gas prices...ugh!

Of course since this is a long holiday weekend some of our gas stations have hit $3.19.

Gonna be costly to fill the car, boat, camper and jet ski's this weekend! Oh well, guess if you want to play your gonna pay! :roll:

~Yanita~
The difference between success and failure is who gives up first!

PennylessZ28

Wed May 23, 2007 1:09 pm

Yanita wrote:Hi,

Gas prices...ugh!

Of course since this is a long holiday weekend some of our gas stations have hit $3.19.

Gonna be costly to fill the car, boat, camper and jet ski's this weekend! Oh well, guess if you want to play your gonna pay! :roll:

~Yanita~
My gas is 3.89 for premium, me and my whole club will be paying that this weekend for our cruise and show.

Thank god for the 6 speed.

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Yanita
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Posts: 3369
Joined: Sat Feb 17, 2007 10:16 pm
Location: Eastern N. Carolina

Wed May 23, 2007 5:00 pm

Hmmm,

Like I said that is the price we must pay, that's a huge difference in price from you to me, we are not that far from one another.

~Yanita~ :lol:
The difference between success and failure is who gives up first!

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Jaie
Posts: 91
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2007 9:32 pm
Location: Oswego NY

Wed May 23, 2007 5:44 pm

I was in Alex Bay over the weekend and it was $3.25 and up. Down here in Oswego it's about $3.19 and rising. They're predicting $380 before the end of June. I hope not. I don't drive, but it affects everything around me that I buy.

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Yanita
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Posts: 3369
Joined: Sat Feb 17, 2007 10:16 pm
Location: Eastern N. Carolina

Wed May 23, 2007 7:28 pm

Well...

I sure wished I had filled up this morning on my way to work when I still had a 1/2 tank of gas, as I said above gas was $3.19.

Just got back from eating dinner and stopped to fill up, it is now 3.35 & 3.45 a gallon.

I heard a while back on the news that gas would be at or exceed $4.00 a gallon before it started going back down again.

~Yanita~
The difference between success and failure is who gives up first!

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kashton
Posts: 223
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 12:03 pm

Wed May 23, 2007 11:57 pm

I drive a Ford Explorer(and , yes I have heard the Ford Exploder jokes). It cost me $43.00 last year to fill, this year it cost me $60.00. This is ridicules. Our pick-up costs over $110. to fill. The boat is gonna cost a fortune. Thank goodness it needs work this year, and probably won't see the river. Gonna have to save up for fuel for it next year!


How many litres are in a Gallon?
Humanity is a parade of fools, and I'm at the front, twirling a baton!

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JD
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Location: Fresno, CA
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Thu May 24, 2007 12:48 am

Quick check on a conversion chart says 4.55 litres in an imperial gallon and 3.79 in a US gallon. Many Many years ago when gas prices soared to over $1 a gallon in the US, gas prices in Canada remained stable and lower per gallon. Then there was an additional kick in the money conversion. My girlfriend at that time need to go to N. Dakota for a family thing. We lived in the Seattle area, so we dropped over the border and made our way through Canada. Very nice trip and may have saved us some money.

Since you mentioned boats, I took a day off work today and took our excellent worker Jason fishing. Great day by the way. I have a Tracker Deep-V with a 40hp 2 stroke. It cruises at 35mph. We watched 250hp boats throwing rooster tails at 50mph. Real nice and all, but I bet they went through a bunch of gas. We used about 1-1/2 gallons for our day on the lake.

JD
☯JD♫
Today is PERFECT!

All information and advice given is for entertainment and informational purposes only. The person doing the work is solely responsible to insure that their work complies with their local building code and OSHA safety regulations.

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Yanita
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Joined: Sat Feb 17, 2007 10:16 pm
Location: Eastern N. Carolina

Thu May 24, 2007 6:50 am

Hi JD

Nope, the boat we will be on will not be fishing LOL, it will be throwing those rooster tails!

~Yanita~
The difference between success and failure is who gives up first!

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kashton
Posts: 223
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 12:03 pm

Thu May 24, 2007 3:49 pm

So, all in all our prices in Canada are about the same as the U.S. You pay by the gallon and we pay by the litre. Still outragous!

With the increased cost of EVERYTHING, I really don't know how anyone on a fixed income can survive with bills, food and to do any fix-ups.
Humanity is a parade of fools, and I'm at the front, twirling a baton!

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Manitoba Bill
Posts: 133
Joined: Fri Mar 02, 2007 6:46 pm
Location: Manitoba

Thu May 24, 2007 4:17 pm

kashton wrote:So, all in all our prices in Canada are about the same as the U.S. You pay by the gallon and we pay by the litre. Still outrageous!

With the increased cost of EVERYTHING, I really don't know how anyone on a fixed income can survive with bills, food and to do any fix-ups.
If you multiply $1.25 per Litre X 3.79=$ 4.74 per U.S. Gallon.
(Or $1.25 X 4.55= $5.69 per Imp. Gallon)

That is also ignoring our dollar is worth less at around .92 cents.

My Honda Fit gets 40 MPG. Imperial average over the last year and I'm on a fixed
income

I follow a huge gas thread on fitfreak.net and here is a good conversion site.

http://www.tdiclub.com/misc/conversions.html
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