So I'm standing on top of the ladder....

[oldfart]

Well folks, got home from work at 6a.m. and looking up at the 5 huge pine trees in my flower-bed it occured to me that the tops seem to be touching/almost touching/soon to touch.. the powerlines directly above them. Hmmm? Pine trees and any source of heat don't mix..eh! Especially since they touch my home as well. So down to the garage and snatch up the 12ft. alunium (yes..we pronounce it A-LOON-EEE---YUM)..ladder and lean it up agin' the higest tree and stomp the bottom rungs into the ground to hold it tight. "Good 'nuff!"..I cackled. Then down to the neighbors and borry his chainsaw! No need asking..he's not home and I got a key to his garage...I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Then I borried some gas and bar-oil from the other neighbor..since neighbor #1 didn't have any. And then...up on the ladder I scampered. Standing on the top rung and noticing how the limbs was all wrapped around the power-lines..and seeing how that ladder looked like a ground-rod...I had a moment of clarity. Age does that to a man. And so I decided to call Allegheny Power..just to ask them a few questions. "Brrriiing! Allegheny Power..this is Chuck speaking how can I help you?" "Hey Chuck!!!...This is Audie..out in Greencastle!...How you doin' and I got some questions!" Ahhh yes...more to come! Audie..the Oldfart!

[oldfart]

Folks....I've called Allegheny Power before...and I've talked to Chuck before. We're kind'a sort'a friends in an odd sort'a way. Anyways back to the phone conversation. (Chuck)..."Hi Audie...what are you doing..and why?" (Audie)..."Well Chuck I seen some of my pine trees ayre growing up into the power-lines again and I'm just gittin' ready to hack them out with the neighbors chainsaw and I wanted to ask if this is something YOU folks should do instead of me?" Folks..there was a long silence..followed by some tittering laughter in the background and Chuck said..."Remember the last time you did that Audie?" Ohhhh... how well I remember... 3 days with no electricity..scorched eyebrows and some very p/o neighbors! On the bright side I picked up over 1200 nightcrawlers in the front yard after the nice lineman disconnected the electricity!! Them worms was standin' straight up as saplings and stiff as re-bar! More than a few robins poked an eye out on them worms! I got $1.20 a dozen for them worms and could'a sold several thousand more if I'd have had them! The local anglers said a fish couldn't gnaw them off the hook..not even the muskies!! Anyways..back to the phone..."Okey-Dokey Chuck..send the fellers out with their saws and tell them to just whack the tops out and I'll take care of the mess!" ..I said. Gott'a run now. My next project.....blasting that stump out of the front yard. I've got the gunpowder and I know what I'm doing....trust me. Audie..the Oldfart...

[WildIrish]

My next project.....blasting that stump out of the front yard. I've got the gunpowder and I know what I'm doing....trust me. Audie..the Oldfart...

Oh, God, don't smile....!

I'm thankful at least you didn't singe your eyebrows or knock out the power or fry any more worms stiff.

You really need to borrow a camcorder, and record some of the things you do. You'd win 10 grand on America's Funniest Home Videos, easily.

[Kyle]

That made me laugh
Glad there was no more eyebrow singeing!