Wurfless cats....I got 'em!

[oldfart]

Folks, Mz. Yanita asked about a wurfless cat that showed up on my doorstep some time back and it prompted me to write this. The cat in question is Fearless. A non-denominational cross-breed of indeterminate heritage. He's large fuzzy and grey. That's as best I can describe him. And... the moment... I'm up to my eyeballs in wurfless feral cats!! I counted 11 at one time. Now mind ya..I don't care for 'em..I just tolerate 'em! And I believe I may have the record for the "Most, Most-Wurfless Cats Award." For the longest time my neighbors thought I had them ceramic cat statues on my porch handrails. "Nope!...I assured them...they all all quite alive..it's just that they don't actually move much!" (Of course it was about that moment when one fell off the rail and toppled into the flowerbed/litterbox.) "Not to worry!..I said..that one just got too lazy to breathe..she'll be just fine in a moment!" And in about an hour she recovered and slooowly crawled back up onto the railing. (sighhh...) One neighbor asked.."Do they catch mice?" "HAW!HAW!HAW!HAW! ...I laughed! "That would actually involve getting vertical long enough to move and it'd probably give any one of them a heart attack!"...I hollered! Actually they look like fat fuzzy gargoyles on the railing. All lollygagging around just watching to see when the food dishes get filled and then thumping down from their collective perches to inhale ANOTHER 18lb. bag of cat food! (big sighhhh here..) Why... t'other day I was slow filling up the hog-troughs..ohhhh...I mean cat-food dishes..and 2 of them tried to come thru the (36in. wide) front door and they got STUCK! Yeah..their heads got thru..but the rest of their bodies wouldn't make it.... side-by-side! Just do the math on that once! Dadgummed wurfless good fer nothing felines are gonna eat me out of house and home. I'm ready to install a silo and just call Purina to send a truck out every week!! And they like to climb the pine trees out yonder and get up on the roof! Ya'll ever heard 11 overweight feral cats...waddeling end-fer-end on yer roof? It's like living under a bowling alley! Don't know how the rafters take it. Don't know how the pine trees take it! Well, gott'a run. Something dark just fell past the window..might be a cat or could be the top off my chimney! Audie..the Oldfart....

[Kimpossible]

It is pure joy to read your stories. Wish you had more time to post more of them.

[Yanita]

LOL Audie,

Less food would mean hungrier bellies, hence the desire to possibly locate mice!

Cats on a tin roof..ROFL, yup, very familiar with that sound, bowling alley only lightly describes the noise in the wee hours.

Years ago when I still had my Siamese cat he used to get up on the roof and sleep in the gutter. Would scare the mess out of yeah when you came in or out and he would reached down and pop you on the head!

Gotta love a cat..or LOL, at least I do!

Happy New Year!

Yanita

[Koiflowers]

I'm gonna whip those eleven wurfless ferrell cats for ya OldFart. I read Clive Clussler's "Flood Tide" and now I'm itchin for a good fight! This is just the adventure Dirk Pitt and I are lookin for. Sneaking up on 11 hissin and spittin no-good homewreckin varmint cats on their own turf. Yup, dodging 200 flesh-slashing, razor-sharp claws takes guts and planning.


Dirk and I don't work alone. We have a knockout woman riding shotgun. So I'm breakin tootsi out of the joint tonight. She's one mean dobi and she's got a burr up her butt for cats. Hell, she even looks and acts like a cat, so I'm sending her in to scout around before me and my boy Duke go in OldFart's trailer and clean the place up.


Holly Cow, Duke needs help!

Looks like the ferrells been in OldFart's catnip. This ain't right!



I'm putting those wurfless cats on notice -- You must Submit or I won't Quit! There's a new sheriff in OldFart's town and things are gonna be done different now!

So I'm packin them cats up and shippin them out. That's right honey, open your eyes and say a prayer. Looks like 13 ain't your lucky number!

Yep, just another day in "Dog Town USA"



Geez Louise, OldFart says FEARLESS stays. Without them wicked dames hangin round, he's got more catnip than brains. OldFart says "that how he likes em!"


No humans were hurt in the making of Ferrell Cats II