I am not a great "ironer"..from the Oldfart

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oldfart
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Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2007 10:31 am

Mon Dec 24, 2007 11:00 am

Folks please forgive me being so absent these many months. I do not recall the last time I posted..(sigh) it's been that long. But..I have been reading when time permits. Anyways...on to the topic. To give some background I have been remodeling this old 1970 s.w. for about the last 23 years..give or take a few years. Seems we rebuild/improve/update them constantly..eh! :) The master bedroom is done..the livingroom is done! The kitchen is within' a cats-whisker of being done! For the past 18 months I have gone without any kitchen. No cabinets, no countertops, no stove, no sink and practically no floor. But I am a survivor. A pair of saw-horses and an old door became my table. I washed dishes every day in the bathtub in a bucket and cooked on an old gas-grill and an electric skillet. I larned to walk on the floor-stringers when the old floor was torn out..right now I could prob'ly hang by my toes from tree-branches if need be! HAW!HAW!HAW! Somewhere along the way I met a friend to advise me and counsel me on my work. Her name is Carol. Being just a mere mortal man I have no idea of "color co-ordination" or style. She is a gifted interior designer. And we worked out an agreement. She would advise me how to furnish and finish my home....I, in turn would cook her meals as I have some talent in the kitchen. The other side of this is that I must never question her judgement and obey her orders without question. HARRUMPH! Wimminfolks..grrrr...! Anyways...this past weekend a package arrived on my porch. New curtains for the kitchen..an iron..and a can of spray-starch. Folks..that's when The Trouble began. I am not a great "ironer'! Ahhh yes...Part 2 is coming. YMHS...Audie..the Oldfart.


oldfart
Posts: 431
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2007 10:31 am

Mon Dec 24, 2007 11:48 am

Yes...Part 2...sigh! I opened up the package yonder and knew well how the curtain rods must be placed. That took about 2 minutes. Snatched up the new curtains and made ready to string them on the rods..and then noticed the large attached note to "IRON THE CURTAINS BEFORE HANGING!" My first responce was.."What-the %$#*!....iron the curtains?" Folks..the last curtains in this kitchen lasted 20+ years till they rotted off the curtain rods! Never got ironed! The new SpongeBob beach-towels/aka curtains held up with re-bar and eye-bolts matched perfectly with my decor! Now I have to iron new curtains???? I unpacked the iron...(best to not anger The Decorator) and promptly got lost in the instruction manual. Tossed the manual ..it appears to be written in Spanish and French. "She" can read this gobbly-de-gook...I can't! She speaks at least 4 languages...Spanish, French, American and....Wimminfolks. (sighhhh...) So I did the next best thing...I called my Mom..at 7a.m. in the morning! Folks...I'm 51....my Mom says she's still 39.....until you call her at 7a.m.! It was not a pleasent conversation. "How stoopid are you?...Do you know what time it is?...Set the iron on the synthetic setting otherwise you'll burn the $#&%! curtains on account of you're a male...I changed your diapers enough to know this little..tiny..fact!"..she growled! Thanks Mom...Love ya! Hmmmm? I have no ironing board! Sooo...I flop the new curtains down on the kitchen table and figger it out. #1...do not iron directly ON the kitchen table. It makes the wood curl up. #2...lay down a towel on top of the table to prevent burns. #3..do not lay the iron on the towel and "go get a beer and see whats on The Outdoor Channel!" #4...great quantities of smoke are hard to get rid of in the wintertime without using great quantities of expensive K-1 kerosene to compensate for open windows and doors! #5..let your local Fire Company know that you are only ironing curtains! #6..spray starch sticks to everything. Kitchen tables, floors, irons, windows, walls and doors. And the errant feral cat that wanders by at an inoppetune moment suddenly has a hair-doo from h++l! And Folks...I ain't done yet. Mind ye..this is just a tiny peek into my life! More to come....Audie the longwinded Oldfart!

oldfart
Posts: 431
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2007 10:31 am

Mon Dec 24, 2007 12:04 pm

Well Folks..the curtains were at last hung. But...only half the curtains. I figgered 1 curtain/valance per rod was enough!! Ahhh..not so! "Noooooo!"...The Decorator said..upon her inspection..."Iron the other 2 valances and hang them on the rods." I dropped to my knees and pleaded..."Carol I could hardly get 1 curtain fitted to that rod and even then couldn't get it into place without efforts beyond the capabilities of most mere mortal men!!" She looked upon me with no pity and said.."The more pleats the better it looks..now git it done!" I ponderd this a while and said..."Pleats?..You mean them wrinkles? If wrinkles is so durn puddy (purty) why do ya'll wimminfolks love Botox an Viagra?????" Folks..ironin' curtains is hard with one eye swelled shut. Soon as it heals up I'll write more. Love and a Merry Christmas to all! Audie..the Oldfart! :)

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Susan
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Location: American Canyon, CA
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Mon Dec 24, 2007 12:05 pm

Oh my Old Fart, I have truly missed your adventures! Your posts are such a joy to read. I am sure glad that you are back. I am anxious to hear how the curtains turned out.

My best wishes to your decorator. That's one brave woman.

Welcome back.
Susan

Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue

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Greg
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Mon Dec 24, 2007 4:49 pm

Oldfart, Some things (and people) never change!! Nice to hear from you. Greg
"If I can't fix it, I can screw it up so bad no one else can either."


Handweaving

Mon Dec 24, 2007 5:36 pm

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Thanks

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Yanita
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Location: Eastern N. Carolina

Mon Dec 24, 2007 6:00 pm

Audie!!!

A big Hello and Welcome back!

Thanks so much for the email you sent and now the post! I too truly enjoy the "ramblins" of your adventures....now let me give you a little tip on curtains...the next time Carol has you iron them, wait until she away, dampen a clean face clothe throw it, a dryer fabric softener sheet and the curtains in the dryer, let them tumble around for just a few minutes! WALA, no wrinkles and smells great! This does not really work well if your curtains have a bunch of ruffles though.

Glad to hear that you are getting your home back together, it's such a long process.

Do you still have that little grey kitten, well now he is probably full grown...think it was the runt but also quite feisty.

As you can see we have this new forum, if you need any help figuring things out just send an email or personal message via the site.

Really glad to have you back and will be looking for more adventures!

Hope you and yours have a very Merry Christmas!

Yanita
The difference between success and failure is who gives up first!

oldfart
Posts: 431
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2007 10:31 am

Mon Dec 31, 2007 11:26 am

Well now Mz. Yanita read your post and I'm scratching my head bald. Do you mean to say these %$#*! curtains have to be ironed again? Like every time I wash them! EGADS! I'm a busy man..got no time fer twaddlin' about slingin' an iron every 20 years or so! Ain't there such a thing as perma-press curtains? Grrr..! Now you asked about the kitten and that's a whole nuther story. His name is Fearless and I'll post on the matter di-rectly. Glad all enjoyed the story. Life is often filled with humor..though it may not be funny at the time! ;) Audie..the longwinded oldfart..

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Yanita
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Mon Dec 31, 2007 11:33 am

LOL Ole Fart,

My curtains never stay on the rod for more than 6 months...if you can get away with 20 years then I guess the only thing you need for them is a trash can, ROFLMAO.

Happy New Year,

Yanita
The difference between success and failure is who gives up first!

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Tue Jan 01, 2008 8:29 am

Ahhh...Audie. When I saw your post in the "Mobile Home Repair" section of the forum, I was thrilled to see you had come out of hiding at last. I had no idea of the treasures awaiting me here in the "Off Topic Discussions" area. It is truly great to have you (and your adventures) back with us!

oldfart
Posts: 431
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2007 10:31 am

Tue Jan 01, 2008 11:08 am

Aye Wayne it's good to be back and I have missed the comaraderie here. I have been reading when time permitted and wished I could have joined in more. Took me a spell to figger out all the new stuff and I'm still not using it too well. Tried to reply clicking on the "quote" button and had to sign in all over again. Grrr..! Still cain't do the "quote" button..go figger? As my daughter so often says..."I am quite resilient to change!" Her way of saying I'm too stubburn to larn anything new! Still using Windows 98SE on this old 500mhz. computor...ca. 1993! I rekkin' that about says it all..once an oldfart always an oldfart. HAW!HAW!HAW! Thanks to all for the warm welcome back. Audie....

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Yanita
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Tue Jan 01, 2008 2:07 pm

Hi Audie,

Well if you want to try something new today here's your assignment...next to your post is a box with your user name and under your name it says "waiting approval" LOL, I think. Click on that, then you will need to refresh your browser. Accept me as your friend...this will give you your My Profile Space link. You need a Friend to completely join our community (you have many here).

This acceptance will give you your My Profile Space link above in the task menu. This is not a MY SPACE.com page. Anyways once that is completed and you click the My Profile Space link you can create your profile...it's not hard, but should you have problems please post back and we will get you through it! There is also alot of info on this in the WEBSITE QUESTIONS forum.

You might run into a few site function problems with the site due to running your older OS. before I bought a new PC I had problems with the back button, some of the quirks might be resolved by now.

Again, if you need further help let us know...

Happy New Year,

Yanita
The difference between success and failure is who gives up first!

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